Long-term ambitions

Being as volatile as I am in my long-term ambitions, I started thinking about forming a band a few years ago...
Then it struck me : you don't have the will to make a compromise to your goals!
This voice from above shattered my outer not-so-thick masking devices - the ones you end up living on if you don't rise up to the "are you happy, no...no... wait, I mean TRULY happy?" question.
Damn!!! the voice was right! I really needed to re-check my bigger-than-life ambitions, or else I would never buy the private "chatêu" I once saw in Monte Carlo.
I mean... Becoming a Rock'n'Roll superstar does have its up's!
Still inebriated with the delusional 45+ room private castle view, I must have been run by a high-tech multimillionaire car (maybe a Hummer or so) because "the" voice entered in an infinite loop (Can my inner-voice please read the fucking Sequencer software manual once and for all and relieve the "LOOP BUTTON") ! It was getting annoying to say the least. I have enough "things" in my life already that could earn a living making merry dreamy happy people turn into a 80's Morrisey clone.
I realized that I needed finished tracks in order to pursue my cosmic aspirations as one of Bono Vox intimate buddies. (I heard Jennifer Anniston buys her friends HUGE gifts just for the sake of it... and fellow reader, a woman that spends 1 million dollars in Ylang-Ylang fragrance to make her mansion more appealing to friends surely deserves the friendship of such a loving and uninterested individual like yours truly).
Getting back to the subject, I made a inventory of all the shitty-sounding beggining of tracks and random loops that sum up my patrimonial heritage to the world..... After two hours of crying, cursing, sobbing and religious guerrilla warfare that would make a Elia Kazan movie seem like a western spaghetti, I realized that I needed something else, something like patience and perseverance (Don't worry, this is not a self-help blog, I'll just skip this part cus' I just started feeling like the end of a General Hospital episode... you don't want that and I definitelly don't want that).
Ok, next step: Where to buy these commodities? (It was Sunday evening and the shopping centers were already closed) Damn... Last resort: I'll buy them on e-Bay!!!!
Next thing you know I started bidding for a package of the needed items, that by chance were on sale by a supper-seller from a zen-budhisty on-line store... (I wonder how zen articles sell in Guatemala (location of the so called "make your dreams come true NOW!!" store).
The exchange was quick and clean: I made my pay-pal transfer and the zen-dudes promised to send the items the next day. In the end I was pleased! I went to bed at 5 o'clock in the morning with a high-anxiety attack, but knowing that those days were soon to end!
The following days were a phone-call disaster series as I read in the local newspaper that some hardcore-catholic mafia dudes from a governmental aided peace association in South America were being held responsible for a religious cleansing of foreign faiths - guess what: Major news headline - "Zen monastery and huge on-line selling success killed by UNKNOWN armed forces in South-America!" or "How e-Bay murdered 24 zen-monks and two cats" (ok I made this last one myself... but you get the picture).
Bottom-line: the government confiscated the lot! And I ended up with the absence of a large amount of money in my wallet. No package delivered, no items received.... just a well written note from the South American military thanking me for the wondrous donation that I had just made to their heavenly god-demanded quest!
I went home fully decided to format my hard-drive, blast my semi-tunes to oblivion, embrace a comatose pot-smoking session and begin round two of crying, cursing, sobbing and etc, etc....
I soon realized that the hard-drive formatting had not been one of my most successful endeavors... because the electricity went down seconds just before the dreaded "are you sure?" command line option was given an affirmative "Y" keyboard pressing.
I had an epiphany: My newly-dead-and-marketing-gurus- zen-monks had just avoided that I , in a momentary lapse of reason (No, I don't wish you were here, ok?) deleted all my stuff from the computer! Dude, was I stoked? Hell no, I was in a religious higher-than-high state of mind!
Maybe there is a place for these unfinished (I should really say un-started) tracks other than the recycle bin. I owe that to my zen-baldy-dudes...
The next day, much to my astonishment, I received a letter from an university's-zen-congregation based on Yale High-Finance and Management School cursing me for all eternity for having supported the religious cleansing in Guatemala by the military!!! Those green dressed heavily armed cut-throats had put me in a thanking list on their web-site, named "Worldwide comrades who have helped the cause".